12 responses to “What Kind of Dominant Are You?”

  1. Randy

    Thanks! Just getting my feet wet as a Dominant, with my wife. She enjoys being tied up, and that has pecked our interest it the Lifestyle. This article was very helpful to me. We will be trying to find Our Own Style, within The Life Style!

  2. jitz

    Reading this article has come at a perfect time.
    5 months ago I met my partner thru fet life, I had dabbled in Ds before this but only a couple of fet nights at a local club.
    we are both relatively new and had only read and knew we enjoyed sexually being in Dom or sub.
    As time has past I found myself falling in love and having really strong feelings, slowly the dynamic changed from being a hey do this and do as I say to one of lets talk lets see what works.
    we are now in a role where we both have input into choices and she puts forward ideas and even at times takes charge of her domination.
    I was just starting to think oh no this is not going in the right direction…i’m being to lenient with her and she will never ultimately respect me as time passes.
    and yet I was also thinking this is going into a vanilla type relationship its going to turn boring.
    what a relief to see that we do not have to fit into a stereotypical box, I now feel totally empowered by your words of wisdom. I see that I am a loving caring Dom that gives thought and respect to my sub.
    In some ways we have taken on the vanilla side of things but that’s just falling in love and wanting to be close and feel cherished. Along with this we have a very strong bond and trust that has allowed us to explore far deeper than we thought we would. even to the point of me giving her some fairly substantial bruising to her breasts.
    I am a loving touchy feely person but in scene I also become serious, and sadistic ( to a point)
    thank god I do not have to dress in thick leather and whip the ass of my victim till she cries to feel like a Dom
    What am I? I am a unique individual building a unique Ds relationship that fits both of our needs.
    Thank you 🙂

  3. Brina68

    Wow, I stumbled across this website while doing some research and found this particular posting which is just what I was needing to set my mind at ease. I am just starting to explore the kinky side of myself and the one thing I know is that although in my vanilla lifestyle I have tended to be more submissive mainly because it’s all I’ve ever known and it’s in my culture to be so, there is a part of me that is definitely dominant and is eager to break ground and come to the surface.

    I don’t engage in the lifestyle in real life as of yet, but I love to write and writing helps me live out my desires. I’ve recently had some virtual role play experiences where I was asked to take the dominant role and I was shocked at how much I enjoyed it (and how quickly I settled into the role considering I had no idea what I was doing). What I didn’t understand though was that there could be different dominant styles.

    I had a preconceived notion about how female dominants are and it was confusing because I knew I had dominant tendencies, but I didn’t see myself as the black leather clad, whip and chain wielding Domme depicted in movies etc. I found myself wondering if I would have to start liking bondage and chains, humiliation etc. in order to consider myself dominant. I was actually relieved to learn that I could formulate my own particular “Domme-ness.” I have no idea what that is just yet, but I’m looking forward to figuring it out.

    I’m so glad I found this place and this particular posting. It came at precisely the right moment in my life. Thank you.

  4. Blinkers

    Like Brina68, I have stumbled into this, unintentionally after being approached by several men, one in particular, who were/are subs. WTH, I said!? Anyway, I am NOT interested in being cruel or sadistic, but I’m struggling to figure out what these guys are seeing in me that I have not recognized in myself, and consequently, what to do with it! I’m sure it’s a process.

  5. Marc

    I’m calling her  ”my E” (from editor) and she is calling me “my W” (from writer). We are in different countries and we are meeting average in every two months. I slowly trained her (More than a year now) to a level where she says she will, can do anything for me.I know we still have maybe a long way to go but im lets say doing all the basics of BDSM to her, with her.Going there, Im not sure about a lot of things but let me ask please maybe the first 2 things: should i say i love her? She said to me very clearly now 2 times that she loves me. First time it was online and topic changed but 2nd time we were together and i felt like i needed to reply ( because she said u dont need to say it) . And is it too late to turn this really into a dom/sub relation? I mean tell her that im not her writer but her master. She should not call me anymore my W… Now finally, what kind of dominant you think i am? Many thanks in advance for your time to reply and for your posts.

  6. Lisa

    First holy cow! Brina68 took the words right out of my mouth. Literally! I had to reread it because I thought oh crap did I write this down and not know? I just happen upon your article. I too am just now starting out in this new world. I have normally been more submissive, even in my everyday life. But I knew once I started to get a little bit older I’m finding myself to be more dominate and sexual, or starting to not care about how everyone else thinks one should look, or be, but how I feel about how I looked. I started for the first time in __ ages to embrace and love how I look. Not oh I’m a supermodel (I like food and beer to much.) But yeah for my age and we’ll just period, and why not? Why can’t I feel like I look just as good as they look..seductive, sexy, desirable, happy, etc. Sorry, anyway I’m still stuck in reality, my real time partner has no clue of my feelings and thoughts. That I’m wanting and being denied to be set free a bit. I’ve asked him for us to try it together. Just us 2. We have a nonexistent sexual or other relationship really. I’ve bought sexy lingerie and tried initiating anything, affection, sex, something. So I’ve found someone online that except it and has asked to be my sub. It’s an LDR which I can see that it will be hard especially, with me being inexperienced at this to begin with. Now I’m going to with someone I don’t know and is in another country? But I am excited about it and he’s accepting of it and has offered himself to me. He has done this before I’m know way more experienced than I, but lately as a Dom himself. He has offered to submit to me. I’m excited although I’m scared. I have no idea what I’m doing and if I’m any good? It is only an online d/s relationship but I also feel guilty because of my real time relationship. I’m so excited to start this side of me that’s been held down, but another part wonders if what I’m doing is ok or cheating or what? Should I just forget about what I want or need? Please any advice, thoughts, advice, helpful ideas would be greatly appreciated. Loved the article!

  7. Billy Powers

    I want to say thank you. This was extremely helpful. Especially in discovering the Dom type I am.

  8. Micheal Allen Gonzales

    Hey, morgan
    Ok so my fiance is into this. She categories her self as a brat. But after research i can see two aspect of a sub. Which is brat and princess. Now you know a little about her mentality. For me she asks that id be a gentleman dom. What is that and how does that play a role wifh her attributes

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