4 responses to “Thinking Dominant #9 – Terms of the Agreement”

  1. MsWynd

    I think if someone is going to make any changes to the agreement it should be discussed with the other person[s] involved. I’d be pissed if I had agreed to one thing, and it ended up being another. Not cool in my books.

    The way I see it is this: if our agreement is for one thing, but later I want it different, it needs to be negotiated!

    I mean, sure, some things are not as important [“You will wear only red frilly panties on Wednesdays from now on, instead of the yellow lacy panties”], but others sure as hell are [“You’ll now be pimped out to my other D/M friends whenever I please regardless of the fact that you said you never wanted that”].

    Obviously there needs to be some sort of discussion and negotiation before major changes are made. Minor things, not usually an issue and likely won’t cause big problems.

  2. Hurco

    I must concur with MsWynd. Any D/M certainly can change the minor details such as the color of underwear or how their meal is to be served without negotiation. Any substantive change (i.e. You’ll now be pimped out at my will) MUST be negotiated with the sub/slave.

    All of our agreements and arrangements are consensual and (hopefully) to help all parties fulfill their needs. As those needs evolve, our agreements/arrangements can as well, but just as in the initial phase of the relationship (whatever form you prefer, be it play, intimate, etc.) these need to be negotiated. I think that one who takes unilateral action on the major things risks losing the situation altogether.

  3. Morgan

    I agree MsWynd. As part of creating an agreement, it could be determined what things aren’t as important to both parties and could therefore be changed without discussion, while clarifying which things are serious issues and must be revisited in negotiation if either party is feeling the desire to change them.

    Agreements are important. I think in any relationship, they are the basis for trust. Breaking agreements without discussion or consideration of the others feelings is going to erode trust, immediately or gradually, and so damage the bond.


  4. Morgan

    Agreed Hurco.

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