6 responses to “Calling “Red” From The Left Side Of The Slash”

  1. Princess Bee

    Yes, I do believe that any Top/Dom/Master, etc. should be prepared to end a scene for a variety of reasons. I have stopped scenes I was in charge of due to things like inadvertently drawing blood, unexpected reactions from a bottom/sub, or my own personal discomfort. It is entirely to be expected that a D-type will have limits and say “no”, just as much as any s-type. I think this behavior gets stigmatized when we define Dominance as always wanting to aggressively pursue one’s desires, or being “able to handle anything.” No one is superhuman, we all get to have limits, and we all get to express our discomfort with a situation or refuse to participate.

    I think it is incumbent on a D-type to stop if the scene becomes unsafe, certainly. It is also incumbent on a D-type to decline to participate if their standards for safety have not been met, or if they themselves are not comfortable with the situation. Recognizing when an s-type is not ready to do what they want to do, or when there is a lack of communication or a relationship dynamic that is dysfunctional, or when the physical and social setting are not conducive to the proposed activity, are all skills that need to come with the territory of being in charge. A D-type who is unable or unwilling to make that call or say “no” when needed, even when they have a strong desire to go through with it, is not ready to be in control.

  2. Moustacheman

    I have called Red or stopped/paused a scene many times with both inexperienced subs and with longtime experienced subs. Sometimes it is for a very obvious problem, as when I can see she can’t physically accomplish the requested task or would be injured if continuing. I am in my late 60’s, and many of my subs are 50+. Bodies just don’t do the same things our 17 year old minds see them doing!
    Monitoring her response and condition is totally on me. My slave and I were playing with another Dom who had been using her to intense sustained orgasm for a LONG time while I held her head in my lap so I could monitor her face and see all of the action. She was obviously incapable at that point of calling Red if she wanted to. I felt compelled to silently signal to the other Dom to slowly bring down the intensity and move back disengaging her. We both held and brought her down, hydrated her and complimented her on being such a good slutty girl. After she had come down, she thanked me for being so well in control of her and knowing exactly when she needed to stop.

    My subs trust me, and knowing when to quit or pause is a big part of that trust, because often it is impossible for them.

  3. LLP

    I’ve always played by my own rules. Calling “Red.” That’s kind of funny. I tell my sub the safe word, and to use it when she wants it to stop. That’s sort of a running joke with me because I immediately gag her after telling her that.

    I will stop when the sub either loses consciences, or cums wildly. The only way out is through, hmm?

  4. lunaKM

    Loses consciousness? That’s pretty risky. Thankfully I teach submissives on Submissive Guide not to agree to play on those terms unless they are in a long term committed relationship.

  5. Tenacious

    I totally agree with the notion that the Dom should end a scene when he or she thinks it is prudent to do so. What I don’t understand, what does the safeword add? The Dom can just end the scene in the safest way, and explain the why of it during aftercare?

    Ryder, thanks for your articles, they continue to give me insight and perspective.

  6. Sarah

    It is CRITICAL that ALL parties know that they can and should call “red!” I am a sub and have been only for a short while. So far in our relationship I have never had to call “red” I have called “yellow” several times. I know my Dom is entirely in control when he takes me, he has stopped the play because he saw that I was incapable of continuing and I hadn’t realized I was. He has stopped the play because he was incapable of continuing. He does not use the word red he just uses the control he knows I have given him. He also knows exactly when we are both able to continue even when I don’t. I believe that a large part of my trust in him stems from his control of himself. If he couldn’t notice and didn’t act then I would not give my power to him. I would hope that is the same for every Dominant/submissive, however I know it isn’t.

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