3 responses to “Understanding the Concept of Training”

  1. Sheena Boney

    Couldn’t have asked for anything better today!
    Thanks for this amazing article. The insights helped me sort out a lot. Made notes and shall be using the tips right away! 🙂

  2. V

    I’ve been dating an older gentlemen who is a Dominant, and I’m a vanilla girl. I know nothing about this community. In the beginning of our relationship, during our 1st month, I was already worried I wasn’t going to be the woman for him. Although I have submissive tendencies, I am a wild spirit at heart. A social butterfly. We’ve been together for 1 year and 9 months, almost to the 2 year mark. He gave me a training collar after 8months of being together. Then not to recent ago, I had asked him if I could keep it at as his place, because I didn’t want to lose it. That was the biggest mistake. We are still together. I care deeply about him. My fear is that I’m not submissive enough for him, but when you said the last line, “To deliver the fullness of yourself you have to find out who you are, and you have to find out that honesty and you are enough, just exactly as you are.” This made me feel more confident. He’s an amazing guy and I want to continue our relationship. I feel I need to learn more about being a submissive, but also not to loose who I am.

  3. Michael Steele

    This is a perspective on negative aspects of training, and seems to mostly forget that training is not just teaching someone to be something they are not: It is also teaching someone how to do things they want to do, but simply need to know the methods of doing so in a way that pleases their “customer,” be it their dominant, employer, or friend. All in all, I got the impression that Steel was feeling a bit snippy, and wasn’t in a very open-minded mood. Not a characteristic I admire in a dominant of any gender. I have NEVER seen these definitions applied to training: “A scheme to deceive or betray. Guile, trickery, treachery. To lure. Attract, persuade, win.”

    Likewise, the following is blatantly misleading, at best: “To be trained is to be shaped in a direction or path that is unnatural to the individual. You can view training as a series of instructions or commands issued toward an individual which are administered using the threat or infliction of a difficult or intolerable stimuli to force acceptance or adherence to the nature, shape or form of the instruction or command.” Note the use of the word, “unnatural,” and the selective mention of threats and pain as training methods.

    Training (of humans, in Western society, at least, and of most animals) is USUALLY shaping someone or some animal in a direction or path to which the individual has an inclination and/or aptitude, and in D/s, is CONSENSUAL, and of such a nature that the trainee feels is beneficial to themselves. It normally involves the use of REWARDS as well as discipline. Without rewards, it’s not very effective, honestly: Fear-based training fails when the domineering entity’s power fails. If it’s not consensual, or not beneficial to the trainee, it’s abuse and manipulation. Yes, this often happens. No, that’s not the entirety of training.

    That said, the article does bring up a valid point: Unless you’re trying to be a real-life Gorean, you should do your own training of your own subs. “Training” in D/s should be limited to protocols that the sub would like to learn to please their Dominant, or to habits that improve the health and well-being of the sub, or procedures that the sub wants to know so that they may better serve the Dominant, and similar things. All of these should be consensual. If the sub doesn’t want to learn and adopt healthy eating habits, for example, they shouldn’t be trained in them. If that’s a limit for the Dominant, then get a different sub. Don’t brainwash the sub; leave that for the government.

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