6 responses to “Ask Anything: How Young is Too Young to Explore BDSM?”

  1. Yael

    I’m not sure where the question is going but here is my experience. I am 38. After having spent most of my adult life sexually repressed and unsatisfied I remembered playing with myself at a very young age. .. about 8 and I remembered that I liked to hurt myself when I masturbated. Not badly but I enjoyed the feeling of pain and pleasure. As I remembered this I thought it was wrong and may have been a result of the sexual abuse I had been exposed to. But then I started exploring bdsm and realized that maybe this wasn’t dirty and wrong after all! Maybe it’s just how I’m wired. Too bad that I didn’t have an open minded person to talk to! Maybe it wouldn’t have taken half my life to find out what made me tick! Now I want more and more of the bdsm lifestyle. .. is not just the masochism but the control and love and service that is so much a part of the lifestyle! And no I am not a victim. I have a loving caring husband who treats me like a queen!

  2. the reader, andrea

    Wow! I’m really flattered you answered! I asked this question months ago but was too worried about the content to come back and see your answer. My boyfriend and I were and are very curious about the BDSM community and were doing a lot of research at the time. But I felt so out of place, because most of the readers seemed to be in their 40s or 50s. I was worried I was too young for the community. Thank you so much for your answer, It really means a lot to me. And by obvious answers I did mean legal age, haha!

  3. Mikayla

    Thank you for this

    Everyday I wake up thinking and wishing time will pass, as that will be the day I will be the age.
    But matter the age , the feeling is still with me, it’s a part of me. And to say that I have to be a certain age to express it; its defininty leaves me depressed.
    I’ve been shut down by asking those who know more than me of information due to my age and thinking that I’m just a kid with no maturity.
    Every time I date , it never feels whole..
    I makes me feel shame of my age and who I am entirely. I keep saying to myself. Sure the age is there to stay safe , and to be legal but it doesn’t make the feelings and personality disappear.
    It’s similar to wanting to ride a ride but you were to short for it, and then you leave the park to never come back to it.
    I myself see this in a spiritual way, mentally and physically; its apart of me. And those who shut me down or rejected me information because my age was a label telling them
    I was immature? It made me feel horrible and I kept on looking for answers of why this was true, and of corse it’s common sense but at the same time it isn’t.
    I’m not the type to drink, do drugs or any single teenager does; it seems I grew up to fast for my age to count.
    I’ve contained on trying to sneak my way to gain some sort of information, to not shun away this side of me, to find out more of who I am. And In a way I did, even if it was hard and painful.
    I myself will grow and gain new knowledge and information even if those who told me to wait.
    Like when people say you know your gay from the start of your life, it’s true that saying and I believe it.
    I myself is 16, probably to young for this website but oh well… I needed to rant and honesty your article made me feel 10 times better about myself

  4. SarahSolveig

    The issue I see come up all the time is the frequent mix of alcohol and BDSM. Many, many groups *DO* allow alcohol at their functions or hold their events (sloshes, etc.) in bars, and that adds an intensely complicated wrinkle to the conversation.

    Personally I don’t think alcohol and BDSM mix AT ALL and I prefer groups that keep them separate. Consent issues become almost impossible to detangle once you start mixing (pun intended) alcohol and kink.

    Also, if the “community” doesn’t make resources available to the 18+ crowd, that leaves the younger crowd at the mercy of the internet and whatever predator scoops them up. We see this happen frequently, too, and it’s a shame that communities don’t do more to include 18+. TNG (The Next Generation) organizations are a wonderful resource, but they should not be the ONLY avenue of exploration and education available.

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