J. Blank, aka The Dominant Gentleman, strongly believes that being Dominant doesn't preclude one from also behaving as a Gentleman (or Lady), and that respect is paramount in any relationship, especially D/s relationships. A "real world" relationship and life coach with a kink-friendly practice, J. spends his days helping people figure out what they really want, and take steps to achieve it. Which gives him some unique insights into the amazing world that is the human psyche. Because of this, J. believes Doms have a nigh-sacred responsibility to their subs, and can sometimes be found on Twitter (@Jason_Blank), loudly ranting about the difference between a Dom and, as he puts it, "a jackass with ego issues." He can be reached by email at DomJBlank (at) gmail (dot) com.

12 responses to “Dominants Aren’t Mind Readers – But We Can Be… Sort Of: Keeping A Submissive’s Journal”

  1. Morgan

    I’m a big fan of journaling myself- I’ve done it off and on for decades. Writing is a wonderful tool for self reflection and expression. I have often asked people to write to me after a play session, letting me know what worked for them, what didn’t, interests, thoughts, experience, inspiration, etc. I don’t currently have a submissive, but this is something I would love to implement when I do. It’s a very specific type of communication that allows for deeper exploration I think.

    I’m really fascinated by the idea of long-distance D/s. I enjoy reading your posts for this reason and I’d love to hear more about your D/s relationship. How do you explore a D/s dynamic when you’re far apart? How often do you and your submissive get to see each other? Do either of you have other relationships that are local?

    Thanks for another great post DG!

  2. subtoJB

    I thought the article was wonderful…but then again, I’m biased since *my* Dom wrote it. And honestly, I think Sir can read my mind. He really is that good.

    Morgan, Sir asked me to respond to some of your questions about our long distance D/s relationship. This is my first D/s relationship and so I have been learning as I go along. At first you might think that having thousands of miles separating us would be an issue, but it really isn’t. The five documents that Sir references in this article help us a lot. In the beginning we established some ground rules and delegated tasks so that I have a framework. I have daily tasks (morning check-in emails, updating my personal journal, etc) and then I have rules. The only real difference in our relationship is that we aren’t in the same physical location. Again, I don’t have anything to compare this to, but I believe that this forces us to have an even deeper level of communication. Technology helps in that we email, chat, video chat, and talk regularly. It isn’t uncommon for me to get an email with a task that needs to be performed, and I have been Corrected through a video chat. It is incredibly intense.

    We actually just met in person for the first time last month. It was a work trip for me and a vacation for him. The trip exceeded expectations, and I absolutely relished all of our “firsts” together given that everything was new to me. (Of course, it was hard for me to focus on work when I was really thinking about his flogger, but….) I don’t have a relationship with anyone locally. Honestly, I am incredibly satisfied with our relationship even though we can’t just jump in the car to see each other. For me, it has been difficult dealing with the separation after meeting in person, but again, we communicate so regularly that I feel like Sir is always with me. I’m looking forward to our next trip together.

    If you have any other questions, I’m always happy to answer them.

  3. Morgan

    Thank you so much for your response, subtoJB. I’m so happy that you’ve both found something that works so well for you. This does help me get a clearer picture of what it looks like, at least in your case. I think that because I’m so physically oriented (affection, sex and S/m play are such an important part of a relationship for me) it’s been hard to wrap my brain around it, to know whether it could work for me. Sometimes, distance or not, something is just “right” and it sounds like you and your Dom have found that. I hope you continue to find much richness, love and intimacy together. And more visits in person. :)

    Morgan

  4. Morgan

    I just stumbled on your reply Dominant Gentlemen.
    It sounds like you have a great thing going on. You know, when it’s right, it’s right and worth whatever it takes to keep it going. I’m certainly learning a lot from your experience. Thank you for sharing it with us. And congrats to both of you.

    Morgan

  5. Journaling Your Dominance | Dom(ed) If I Do, Damned If I Don't

    [...] One of the best things about having a journal is that it helps me be more expressive with my thoughts. On the one hand, it is a place for me to record the day’s events and share them with Sir.  On the other hand, and perhaps more importantly, it helps me learn how to share my innermost thoughts with someone else.  I have always been independent and I go out of my way to be completely self-sufficient.  Once I discovered my submissive nature and understood my responsibilities and obligations to my Dominant, I knew that I needed to be better about sharing my thoughts with someone else.  I asked Sir for help with this area, so my journal is a way for him to make sure I don’t withdraw when I get stressed out.  To date, I feel I have improved a great deal in this area and I no longer hesitate to open up in my journal.  — J. Blank’s Submissive [...]

  6. Dan

    I have just entered into a D/s relationship. Articles like this one have helped me immensely with deciding whether or not this is something that I’d be interested in. I have to thank the author of this post. I’ve read most of your posts and it appears that you and I have a very similar outlook on what it truly means to be a dominant. I enjoy reading your articles and will continue to do so.

    D

  7. Kate

    I am very new to this so I am doing a lot of reading. I am the submissive and have an an amazing teacher but I want to know more. Thank you for making this so clear and easy to understand. I can see how these relationships are very loving and it seems like to me it would make it even better than it would be otherwise.

  8. sarah

    My online potential Dom has asked me to send morning and evening emails. Should these simply be regarding events of my day, my inner thoughts, or questions I have for him? I’m new to this. Does he want me to use it as a diary so he can understand me better?

  9. lunaKM

    It could be all of the above. I think you need to ask him what he expects from your emails.

  10. Marcy

    Thank you Dominant Gentleman. I recently became a femdom to a very eager sub. I had never participated in this lifestyle and was quiet surprised at how comfortable and natural it came to me. But being new I wasn’t sure what it all entailed. Your articles have become a wealth of knowledge for me as I value this lifestyle and want my sub and myself to get the most out of our relationship. We are hundreds of miles apart and I’m definitely going to assign a journal. I respect him and his need for control and really enjoy giving that to him. I look forward to more articles. Much love!

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