Evaluating Outside Influence Before Playing

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I want to talk briefly about the importance of evaluating outside influence before play.

One time a few years back my girl and I attended a play party. It was a great time. We socialized, I swung a few tools and had quite a sexy and connected scene with her, we socialized some more. I couldn’t wait to get her home, strip her down, and finish what we had begun. (We were playing at a party with no penetration allowed.)

We busted out of there still buzzing with the energy myself as the sadist had created. It was an unseasonably cool night and it felt wonderful.

I got her home, threw her over the bed, pulled my favorite whip out again, and started to release myself on her.

Until the word “yellow” about 90 seconds in.

Now I encourage my girl to safe word as a means of communication (as I hope other Tops and Dominants do as well) but it is still infrequently heard. We’ve been playing for years and I have a pretty good read on her at this point.

I stopped and checked in on her, asking what was up. She said her skin felt different from the cold and she couldn’t tolerate the same intensity of play that I had used earlier in the evening.

I noticed now several things I hadn’t in my quest to get my hands on this lady properly.

Her chilled skin. Goosebumps. Teeth still clattering off and on. A shiver.

Because she had bottomed for me earlier, combined with the unusual cold night here  in the tropics, she was freezing.

I tossed my tools to the side, tossed my girl under the sheets and blankets, and added my body heat to hers to warm her. We finished our scene there under the heat using just our bodies.

 

I walked away from this scene with a valuable lesson. Part of being a Dominant is being aware of your surroundings as well as being aware of a person.

Outside influence can impact us in many ways, both positively and negatively.

Here are some things to consider before playing:

  • Weather: Is it unusually hot or unusually cold? A submissives body will react differently to both things. As well as humidity possibly impacting breathing and things like storms possibly heightening emotional reactions.
  • Food: A submissive should be comfortably satiated. Oftentimes the anticipation of play can make a bottom nervous and skip a meal or two before playing. A sub on an empty stomach can get lightheaded or dizzy, and he body will simply react differently.
  • Hydration: A bottom should be properly hydrated before playing. I know my girl loses a lot of fluids (hopefully, if I am doing my thing well) during play so she needs to have drank water prior to compensate.
  • Hormonal changes: Sometimes a bottom is in a particular part of her hormonal cycle and it can make all the difference in the world. Sometimes play makes my girl horny as hell; sometimes she’s sobbing. Having a little knowledge about their cycle can be a helpful tool.
  • Emotional energy: Did they have a terrible day at work? Are they sad because of an argument with a friend? Have you been fighting and is there unresolved tension that needs to be addressed first? Sometimes the key to having an amazing scene is to first come together emotionally and making sure the play is going to add something positive.
  • Alcohol/drugs: I know many say to not drink anything before playing, but as adults, I believe that as Tops/Dominants we can be in enough control of ourselves to decided if we can allow responsible, moderate drinking in our play and sex lives. Whether you want to allow alcohol is a personal decision but either way, you must know before playing if the bottom has had any alcohol. That, along with drugs, can alter a bottoms response to play. Drink and play at your own risk.

What other outside influences could have an impact on play? Have you had an experience with external influences altering your course?

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Master Ryder is a Dominant and sadist who lives 24/7 TPE M/s with his wife and slave. Ryder is of the belief that being a Master is more about mastering your own self before you can go on and effectively lead others, and spends his time working to always improve his personal character. An active member of his local community, Ryder enjoys sharing with others about his experience living life as a Dominant. He is a practitioner of edgier play, including fire, knives, CNC, and breath play, but the main focus of his studies and practice is in Power Exchange. "It's about the dynamic, the energy shared when one person gives up all control and another person takes it."

2 responses to “Evaluating Outside Influence Before Playing”

  1. debbie

    I enjoyed reading this article Sir, I am considering doing a site for submissives and their Masters which would facilitate information for each . I have found that I have been lvery fortunate to have developed some friendships with subs and their Masters, They have enabled me to develop friendships but also facilitate between the two. If the submissive is feeling down, why , what is happening in their relationship? How is the Master doing, is he finding it to much to keep up with his new submissives sex drive, play etc….offer advice, how about finding him or her someone else to help release the built up energy….etc

    Anyway would it would possible to use this information if I develop a site I will of course quote you as the author?

  2. lunaKM

    You may refer to the article and provide a link back here, but using this entire article is not allowed.

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