J. Blank, aka The Dominant Gentleman, strongly believes that being Dominant doesn't preclude one from also behaving as a Gentleman (or Lady), and that respect is paramount in any relationship, especially D/s relationships. A "real world" relationship and life coach with a kink-friendly practice, J. spends his days helping people figure out what they really want, and take steps to achieve it. Which gives him some unique insights into the amazing world that is the human psyche. Because of this, J. believes Doms have a nigh-sacred responsibility to their subs, and can sometimes be found on Twitter (@Jason_Blank), loudly ranting about the difference between a Dom and, as he puts it, "a jackass with ego issues." He can be reached by email at DomJBlank (at) gmail (dot) com.

3 responses to “Ask Anything – Play vs. Rape”

  1. Xe

    So I’m (brand) new to the community and have been doing a bit of reading…..
    I’ve seen (elsewhere) ‘consensual non-consent’ being described as something along the lines of ‘you strap yourself in for the ride, and get off when it’s over’ or ‘they have blanket permission to do anything within the pre-negotiated limits, at any point before the end of the scene, and there is no safe-word/gesture’…… basically that there is no way to withdraw your consent once the scene starts.

    Is this just a sub-set of consensual non-consent? or is it basically rape?
    Where would it stand legally?

    Just for the record – I am *very* aware that what I’ve described above would (if legal) be VERY advanced play, probably only for play-partners who trust each other explicitly

  2. O.M.

    XE, I’m replying to you. I dont know where you read that but NO on so many levels. If you havent read the above article, read it…if you have, read it again, because that is literally what consensual non-consent (rape-play) is, how it SHOULD be set up and under what parameters it turns into rape…ie, if there is no safeword, if the safeword/gesture is used and ignored it is rape and illegal.
    It is NOT “very advanced play” to revoke someones right to safeword, especially in this type of edge play.
    I will repeat, if you are doing any edge play scene, (rape-play, interrogation, the numbers game, knife play, blood chokes, breath play etc) you MUST have safewords. Heres an example
    Yellow=slow down/not so hard
    Blue=harder/more of what youre doing

  3. Rope Bunny

    Good advice! Thanks for the post.

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