J. Blank, aka The Dominant Gentleman, strongly believes that being Dominant doesn't preclude one from also behaving as a Gentleman (or Lady), and that respect is paramount in any relationship, especially D/s relationships. A "real world" relationship and life coach with a kink-friendly practice, J. spends his days helping people figure out what they really want, and take steps to achieve it. Which gives him some unique insights into the amazing world that is the human psyche. Because of this, J. believes Doms have a nigh-sacred responsibility to their subs, and can sometimes be found on Twitter (@Jason_Blank), loudly ranting about the difference between a Dom and, as he puts it, "a jackass with ego issues." He can be reached by email at DomJBlank (at) gmail (dot) com.

3 responses to “Ask Anything – Can I Ask for BDSM When There’s History of Abuse?”

  1. Kat Stevenson

    Great advice.

  2. theslyfox

    My own experience with childhood sexual abuse is precisely why I am a Dominant, to me, the following was dead on:

    “Kudos to you for being considerate of your husband’s history with abuse, but there’s a difference between being considerate and stealing control from him. You’ve done the latter. This is a man that you say you want to dominate you, in some of the most dangerous and trust-requiring ways, and you’ve basically said that you don’t trust him to be able to handle what you need. ”

    Speaking for myself I need and crave control in every aspect of my life but especially sex and relationships. The most upsetting thing to me would be your decision to not give me a choice.

  3. Lazarus Swan

    Regarding aftercare for yourself as a submissive, if your partner is lacking in this area you might want to sit down a day before play and equate yourself to a beautiful fast car that he gets to enjoy pushing to its limits. Whether it’s going fast or splashing through the muck. Remind him that afterward you need to be wiped clean and your emotional gas tank filled up. You need basic maintenance for him to be able to enjoy you to the maximum the next time he wants to use his precious car/truck/fuck puppet! That simple maintenance then needs to be explained to him in some detail so you do not end up lacking g.

Leave a Reply