J. Blank, aka The Dominant Gentleman, strongly believes that being Dominant doesn't preclude one from also behaving as a Gentleman (or Lady), and that respect is paramount in any relationship, especially D/s relationships. A "real world" relationship and life coach with a kink-friendly practice, J. spends his days helping people figure out what they really want, and take steps to achieve it. Which gives him some unique insights into the amazing world that is the human psyche. Because of this, J. believes Doms have a nigh-sacred responsibility to their subs, and can sometimes be found on Twitter (@Jason_Blank), loudly ranting about the difference between a Dom and, as he puts it, "a jackass with ego issues." He can be reached by email at DomJBlank (at) gmail (dot) com.

8 responses to “Ethics for Playing With New Submissives…?”

  1. D. Schreiner

    Nice start for a series of articles. I’ll be interested to see if there are further writings on this.

  2. T. Avogardo

    Very thought provoking. I believe that I find the need to better assess my role as a dominant and try to obtain a better understanding of my submissive needs. Thanks

  3. Nickolas

    I’ve personally been a submissive for many “relationships”. I’ve had childhood experiences that scarred me and made me want to explore the D/s world. I have recently (last year) decided to explore the dominant side. I cannot stress how much it is important to fully understand both Dom and sub positions. There’s still things I do as a Dom that worry me with even experienced subs. My first sub when I decided to explore the Dom position was a “newbie” we only met up once and with full and complete conscious consent, I went to jail. I fully agree that there should be limits the first few times with a new or inexperienced sub. I am still learning every day about being a dominant and I’ve decided that I will always continue to learn. Especially with every new submissive.

  4. Rev

    Wow. I’m sorry to hear that you went to jail Nickolas, it sounds like unfairly. Your approach sounds similar to mine in some ways and your story
    demonstrates part of why.

    Thanks for your comment.

    Rev

  5. NextChapter7

    I’ve been thinking about finally indulging in this fantasy of becoming a sub. The very few people I’ve even talked about this always said, “Why would this even be an issue? You’re beautiful, you can tell whatever guy you’re what you want and they will happily do it.”
    Yes, but I think I may want more than that.

    From what I’ve read, a dominate will take over for a time. It’s not pretend, I want to do this, as long as we agree to the basics.

  6. Lady Irene

    Thank you so much for this article.
    I firmly believe that taking the Dom roll involves heavy ethical consideration.
    For myself, being female and having male play partners I am very conscious of the contrast between what the sub roll (usually) is and what our North American society still feels defines masculinity.
    I am very cautious about choosing my play partners for this (and a few other unrelated) reasons.
    I’m looking forward to reading more on the subject.

  7. Precious

    I recently met a Dominate online about a week ago. I am extremely submissive. We instantly had a great connection and bond. He is coming to meet me next week, and I want to know how I should receive him the first time we meet. Could anyone please let me know?

  8. lunaKM

    Well, like a person you are meeting for the first time should work. You shake their hand, say hi. Introduce yourself again if you need to. You do not submit to someone before you get to know them.

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