J. Blank, aka The Dominant Gentleman, strongly believes that being Dominant doesn't preclude one from also behaving as a Gentleman (or Lady), and that respect is paramount in any relationship, especially D/s relationships. A "real world" relationship and life coach with a kink-friendly practice, J. spends his days helping people figure out what they really want, and take steps to achieve it. Which gives him some unique insights into the amazing world that is the human psyche. Because of this, J. believes Doms have a nigh-sacred responsibility to their subs, and can sometimes be found on Twitter (@Jason_Blank), loudly ranting about the difference between a Dom and, as he puts it, "a jackass with ego issues." He can be reached by email at DomJBlank (at) gmail (dot) com.

3 responses to “Vulnerability”

  1. Timothy Tuttlesmith (@TimmyTuttles)

    This is an excellent post about a very important issue. On a first date I once had a pro-domme tell me that I was ‘too honest’. She wanted me to dominate her but seemed obsessed with directing date conversation as if she was reading from a question script. I’ve met so many other New Yorkers who couldn’t handle my honesty and refusal to interact in accordance with the aggressive and callous rules of American dating. I think the English are better at seeing the strength of honesty and valuing integrity, (probably because we’re not yet quite so consumed by ‘individualism’).

    On the flip side I’ve met several girls in New York who ‘got’ my honesty. Those connections were worth trawling through all the other shit for.

  2. Rev

    Yeah, some people will get it, others will not and we gotta’ keep looking for “our people” if we want quality relationships. I’m glad you’ve found some there!
    I promise, there are plenty of people who do appreciate honesty and a lack of game. Thankfully, or I’d be awfully lonely. :)
    And sometimes I’ve got to be pretty persistent to find them. As you say, it’s worth it!

    Rev

  3. Livnah

    Dear “The Dominant Gentleman” (and Brian)

    I wanted to send a thank you for initially sharing this information and the re-posting of it. Reading Brian’s words was like listening to what a very close friend of mine would say, if he had the ability to reach inside and verbalize his feelings and thoughts. And yes, when I say a “very close friend” …I do mean a friend and not subtext for “me.” *; )

    The key points that Brian focused on are some of the issues my friend touches on, but never fully communicates to me. His largest stumbling blocks are “vulnerability” and “weakness.” He has such a ‘road block’ about them, that he can’t even say the words without pause. It’s like saying them is not only psychologically and emotionally painful, but actually physically painful for him.

    Reading this article really hit home for me. I plan on sharing it with my friend the next we are spending some time together. I want to be present when he reads it. His facial expression and physical response will give me more information than if I listened to his thoughts on the matter and not be in his presence.

    You also led me to look into NVC. I like the theory and premise that is behind that work. I will do more research on it and see if that can improve our communications even more. Thank you for the ‘eye opening’ experience and for putting things into a more realistic picture for me. I was seeing this more as “his issue” with things, even though, I understand where some of it originates for him and have been supportive of his feelings and needs. However, now I realize it is much more an “our” issue to figure out together.

    Thanks again,
    Livnah

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