J. Blank, aka The Dominant Gentleman, strongly believes that being Dominant doesn't preclude one from also behaving as a Gentleman (or Lady), and that respect is paramount in any relationship, especially D/s relationships. A "real world" relationship and life coach with a kink-friendly practice, J. spends his days helping people figure out what they really want, and take steps to achieve it. Which gives him some unique insights into the amazing world that is the human psyche. Because of this, J. believes Doms have a nigh-sacred responsibility to their subs, and can sometimes be found on Twitter (@Jason_Blank), loudly ranting about the difference between a Dom and, as he puts it, "a jackass with ego issues." He can be reached by email at DomJBlank (at) gmail (dot) com.

5 responses to “Ask Anything – “Quickies,” Round 1”

  1. Ronda

    I have introduced to d/s relationship i love the idea and i am ready. He has asked me to do research. I have done that for a few months now. He seems to make excuses. He fold me that this was a huge part of who he was. Here is my concern he is a surrogate dom to 2 ladies via phone. Couldn’t they be replacing his needs for me and him just having me around for vanila relationship. That is not what i want. Is this cheating.

  2. Ronda

    Thank you for for taking the time to respond. Im just get1 anxious. Asif i have done something wrong

  3. Rev

    Hi Ronda~

    I’m not sure who responded to you, so forgive me if I’m repeating things (my view here doesn’t show that anyone responded to your comment).
    I’d rather respond again than not answer.

    Some people in the BDSM world (and non-BDSM world too) have more than one partner. It’s only cheating if people aren’t being honest about their other relationships. “Cheating” basically means that there’s an agreement between people (“rules”) and someone isn’t playing by the rules, is cheating in secret. So if he’s being honest with everyone, then I wouldn’t call it cheating.

    However, just because it’s not cheating doesn’t mean it has to be okay with you personally. It’s not for everyone. On top of the fact that you’re unhappy knowing he’s involved with other women, it sounds like you’re unhappy in general with the relationship. If you need more from him and have asked for it and he’s not able to give it to you, it could be that this just isn’t the right relationship for you. You could try talking to him one more time, letting him know that you’re not happy with the way things are and ask clearly for what you want. See what he does and then make a decision from there. Although it sounds like you’ve maybe already done that and aren’t getting anywhere.

    At some point, we have to trust our instincts and make a decision to respect our own needs. If he can’t be there for you in the way you need and want (not every second, but you know- overall), then you’ll have to decide what you need to do to take care of yourself. I don’t know your answer, but perhaps it’s time to realize that this is a dead end thing for you and start directing your energy to meeting other potential partners who can possibly create with you the kind of relationship you want.

    I hope that helps. Please feel free to drop myself or the Dominant Gentleman (who created this post that we’re commenting on) an email if you have further questions.

    Best wishes to you!

    Rev

  4. Shannon

    im in training to be a new sub for a man. He’s having me do things to another man in his absence. I’ve not met the Dom yet. Have you heard of this in training?

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