When I connected with the BDSM community in 2008, I found so much more than a way to engage my kinks: a place to explore BDSM as well as my deepest human nature. For me, kink is not only sexual, but spiritual, emotional, and psychological, as well as a profound path for self- and other-exploration; in other words: intimacy, which may be my biggest kink. With years of mentoring, ministering, coaching, and teaching under my belt, I'm excited to share my ever expanding knowledge and experience with Dominant Guide readers, in a mutual learning process with you and the whole kink community. Rev was the lead author for Dominant Guide from 2012 to 2015

4 responses to “Taking Space in a Healthy Way”

  1. Rane

    I have found it so important for me to have the freedom to take some space for myself. Especially when I have too many things going on, and I need to prioritze, or sort some things out. Some good points here on the various reasons why someone would a) need the time away, and b) be able to take the time away.

    A good point about the insecurities that may flare up when one person in a relationship decides they need some time alone or away. That’s so vital in keeping things fresh and renewed. Do things apart provides new awareness, or provides a new perspective.

  2. Yes it is me

    Hello, I am very new to this and kind of stumbled into it. I had recently started an online relationship with someone. I was in process of dealing with losing my dom (not death) and he he had been grieving the death of his dom, We have not met and we chatted almost daily, he was always there in the morning when I woke up. He left me for 2 weeks with no explanation until he came back and said he had been out of state at a funeral. Though the trust was weakened and I found it hard to think of us as Dom/sub at this point we fell back into our routine. Everything going great we share our daily photo and he tells me he is done playing, that feelings are getting in the way and he needs to step away then he goes dark.
    Am I wrong to feel this is wrong? Should we not have talked about it? I do not have a problem with him taking time but I want to know if he is coming back. Any advice from the experienced?

    Me

  3. Rev

    Hi Me

    Your feelings are your feelings. There’s no reason you “should” feel that this is okay behavior. Personally, I’d be pretty upset if someone broke off with me in this way too.

    And at the same time, we can’t control how people break up with us. Not everyone can handle a break up in a grown up way or in the way that we would like them to. I’m sorry that happened to you. Breaking up is hard as it is. Breakups that happen suddenly and without good communication can be even harder. Going silent for two weeks without explanation until after the fact is kind of red flaggy. I’d say this person did you a favor. This is probably not someone who could treat you well in a relationship. Eventually you would have found out anyway.

    Sometimes, all we can do is take care of our busted heart, learn from the experience and carry on. Best wishes moving forward.

    Rev

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