J. Blank, aka The Dominant Gentleman, strongly believes that being Dominant doesn't preclude one from also behaving as a Gentleman (or Lady), and that respect is paramount in any relationship, especially D/s relationships. A "real world" relationship and life coach with a kink-friendly practice, J. spends his days helping people figure out what they really want, and take steps to achieve it. Which gives him some unique insights into the amazing world that is the human psyche. Because of this, J. believes Doms have a nigh-sacred responsibility to their subs, and can sometimes be found on Twitter (@Jason_Blank), loudly ranting about the difference between a Dom and, as he puts it, "a jackass with ego issues." He can be reached by email at DomJBlank (at) gmail (dot) com.

9 responses to “10 Things a Dom Needs…”

  1. Stanley

    I found this page while doing some research into the “lifestyle”. I’ve recently been asked by a newbie sub to be her dom. Where and how would you suggest I educate myself enough to make an informed decision? From what I’ve been reading this type of relationship goes much further than the kinky sex and the last thing I’d ever want to do is to mistreat this woman.

    Stanley

  2. Rev

    Hi Stanley~ It takes time to learn your way around. Do you want to be in a relationship with this person? A D/s relationship is a relationship and, like any relationship, it’s complicated and there are no shortcuts. I’d suggest reading up here on the site. Check out our “recommended reading page”, get some books, maybe connect with local community. Check out some BDSM checklists, both of you fill them out and see where your interests overlap- there are so many ways to do this stuff and especially because your both new, it’ll take some time and trial to find your way. Do you want to be monogamous? Is sex even part of the deal? What kind of BDSM activities are you both interested in? Take it slow, talk talk talk, find some people who are experienced that you trust to talk to about issues and questions as they come up. It’s important to talk about this stuff thoroughly, get to know each other and see how things develop. You may discover you don’t even have enough in common to proceed. It happens.

    Best wishes to you both as you explore these questions together. At the very least, you’ll learn a lot about yourselves.

    Rev

  3. goodgirlbabygirl

    Thank you so much for sharing this. It is like looking through a window into my Master’s heart and soul. i read this to Him last night after an emotional breakdown from yours truly. We have been married for 10 years (we met through online bdsm personals) and our lifestyle has been put on the back burner. Granted i am always submissive, but there was no training or anything… Until now! We have decided to transition back into our “groove”. It hasn’t been easy, but we are committed. This helped so much. i can now understand a lot of what He’s feeling. Being Dominant is a tough job because you Guys always need to appear to have control over any situation. Thus, sharing Your feelings might not always be appealing to You. This way He doesn’t have to. Thank You again! ‚̧Hisbabygirl

  4. Lunachyld

    Is it bad that I close my eyes and envision my Sir speaking these words directly to me? When ever i have a hard time submitting or getting chores done, I just read this and i’m on my merry way!

  5. DaddyJ

    I absolutely needed to hear/read this right now. Especially #7. My submissive and I have been particularly stressed lately and I’ve had to make sure our rituals were still done even when neither of us were in the mood. It did completely refocus us and put us both back into our respective head spaces.
    She is the type to keep inside what she is feeling when it’s negative and I kind of have to pry it out of here. I refuse to let problems internalize so long they explode so I address things immediately. Tonight, we’re not in the greatest moods and she’s shutting it in herself (we’re texting while she’s at work.) I was about to pick her up and just go to bed. Tonight, I’m tired, I don’t feel like being the one to make it right–knowing full well I can.
    I wonder if this is topping from the bottom. I know it isn’t intentional on her part. I don’t know at the moment.

  6. Brigit Delaney

    This is amazingly helpful. I really need reminding of #6-8…and 10. It’s easy to get wrapped up in ourselves, but extremely important that we remember that our Doms need things, too. You guys have a really hard job! I linked to this in my lastest post, btw.

  7. skinprof

    Thank you for this.
    I am a new submissive.
    Presently for two months.
    My Dom has had a ton on his plate, and I have felt alone or distant.
    I internalize much of my negative feelings for I don’t believe in dumping
    them on him. I feel as if I would be adding to his burdens.

    #’s 7 , 9, and 10 kicked me in the stomach.
    It helped me to refocus and prioritize.
    It isn’t easy doing this. It can be extremely painful to be attached and not be with
    your Dom. When his world is exploding and I want to be with him and cannot.
    The pain may be so unbearable one wants to run.
    Thank you for writing this.

    I will find a way to copy these and refer to them, especially in stressful times.

    M.

  8. Sir's pet

    Thank you!

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