J. Blank, aka The Dominant Gentleman, strongly believes that being Dominant doesn't preclude one from also behaving as a Gentleman (or Lady), and that respect is paramount in any relationship, especially D/s relationships. A "real world" relationship and life coach with a kink-friendly practice, J. spends his days helping people figure out what they really want, and take steps to achieve it. Which gives him some unique insights into the amazing world that is the human psyche. Because of this, J. believes Doms have a nigh-sacred responsibility to their subs, and can sometimes be found on Twitter (@Jason_Blank), loudly ranting about the difference between a Dom and, as he puts it, "a jackass with ego issues." He can be reached by email at DomJBlank (at) gmail (dot) com.

3 responses to “Ask Anything – I’m a Dom Who Likes to Switch”

  1. Dave

    I am submissive. We discovered recently that in a 69 position, my wife is able to pin me to the bed, completely rendering me helpless. While I kick and struggle, she dresses me in frilly side tie panties. From being all man, I suddenly feel like a little girl.

  2. Laughsintherain

    What you call dominance and submission here sound more like just straight scene-ing. He is a bottom, and a poor submissive. A lot of guys are like like that. My husband was once like that, and it was very frustrating. It was based on lack of trust and fear. It took us years to get to the point where we had that trust, and it was only because we realized how much we meant to each other when all BDSM stopped. Also I wasn’t clear about female dominance and should have been more forthright about saying exactly what I wanted.

    It sounds to me like you are in need of a sub who actually likes service, and that is a great deal different than submission. You should make a list of all the things that would really float your boat. Everything in your wildest dreams. Then have a serious discussion with your guy and decide if he likes what you want. I don’t know if this guy is your husband, but to be honest, if he’s not and he won’t change at least his attitude when you’re playing, I’d look for someone else. Also there is no crime in finding a dom who suits your needs, either. Often people like to play without sex, if monogamy is a problem. Don’t hem yourself in.

    My husband is over his fear now, and he pampers me like a queen. We are trying D/s 24/7, and both of us are liking it very much. I have made the scene-ing a separate thing for us to enjoy – it was becoming too much like currency for his service and it was messing with my head. I wonder why women don’t talk about the side of dominance that can make scene-ing feel a bit like prostitution. Avoid that head space at all costs.

  3. Laughsintherain

    Just in case you don’t know these terms, this is what they most basically mean:

    Bottom=someone who likes to receive sensation
    Top=someone who likes to give sensation
    Dominant=someone who likes to control
    Submissive=someone who likes to give up control to someone else
    Service Submissive=someone whose erotic energy centers around serving and pleasing

    Many men claim to be submissive, when in fact they only want the kind of scene/sex they want.

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