When I connected with the BDSM community in 2008, I found so much more than a way to engage my kinks: a place to explore BDSM as well as my deepest human nature. For me, kink is not only sexual, but spiritual, emotional, and psychological, as well as a profound path for self- and other-exploration; in other words: intimacy, which may be my biggest kink. With years of mentoring, ministering, coaching, and teaching under my belt, I'm excited to share my ever expanding knowledge and experience with Dominant Guide readers, in a mutual learning process with you and the whole kink community. Rev was the lead author for Dominant Guide from 2012 to 2015

3 responses to “Ask Anything: I’m Having Trouble Speaking Up About What I Want”

  1. The Dominant Gentleman

    Great points, Rev,

    One other tool I would suggest is to use a BDSM Checklist (Someone reasonably intelligent wrote about them here on Domguide (http://dominantguide.com/1053/check-listing-ways-to-make-me-happy/), or you can check out http://www.SubmissiveGuide.com, for a submissive’s point of view about how to use them, and some links to different types).

    The best thing about using a Checklist is that you can take it away, fill it out/create it, etc. while you’re alone, and then bring it back to your Dominant, and have them read it (while you wait, or on their own time). That gives them ideas of things you may like to see introduced into scenes, and is also likely to spark some of those important conversations. Instead of you having to “bring them up,” they can look at what you’ve put on the page, and ask specific questions. It’s possible that them asking you questions (probably in a tone that’s interested, and encouraging) will help you to overcome your reticence to communicate.

    And, if these folks aren’t going to be in the picture going forward, a BDSM Checklist is a good tool to have and use with new play partners.

    Good luck!

  2. YUMF

    Hello… I’m im new to the community of BDSM and wanted to know how do I start? I have a very submissive partner and we are wanting to further our knowledge in BDSM.

    Thank you…

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