When I connected with the BDSM community in 2008, I found so much more than a way to engage my kinks: a place to explore BDSM as well as my deepest human nature. For me, kink is not only sexual, but spiritual, emotional, and psychological, as well as a profound path for self- and other-exploration; in other words: intimacy, which may be my biggest kink. With years of mentoring, ministering, coaching, and teaching under my belt, I'm excited to share my ever expanding knowledge and experience with Dominant Guide readers, in a mutual learning process with you and the whole kink community. Rev was the lead author for Dominant Guide from 2012 to 2015

8 responses to “Orgasm Games”

  1. Sassy

    It’s sad that every man thinks he can and should control women’s orgasms. It is one dynamic of D/s I don’t subscribe to because I don’t believe it’s feasible. First, you only alluded to, but spent no time on orgasm ruination which is the much more likely result from trying to control or denying a woman’s orgasm. This is a strong fact based on the fact that women generally already need much more stimulation to get to that point. To take her there then deny her is much more likely to result in orgasm ruination than in a more powerful orgasm. Worse, it will make it that much harder for her to get there next time as well. Sorry, guys, another fact of life: woman can fake orgasms and it’s not just in the moaning and screaming; making your walls contract, release and even flutter is easy. So while you’re priding yourself that she’s so under your thrall that YOU control her orgasm, you’re only teaching her to fake it better. I’m not trying to be disrespectful here, but it’s one of the worst dynamics to teach men. “Great,” they think. “I’m so all powerful that I can take any submissive and make her cum or hold back because I AM A DOMINANT!” I cannot tell you how many men I meet online and this is the first place they go to, likening it to domination. Orgasm is a bodily function; no one should be trying to control it any more than they should urinating, defecating or even menstruating. After reading through this column … twice … all I see coming (no pun intended) from it are more men thinking this is the ultimate sign of submission or, worse, a sign that she’s not submitted to them at all.

  2. Lyoness

    Hi there, female collared sub here, and my Sir and I have been together for 3 years next month. As our relationship has grown, we discovered that in very deep subspace, I will orgasm on command. Either direct command, or indirect command, (ie if he says , “You’re mine” or something similar.) It doesn’t work if I’m not in that headspace, but with practice and patience, it is definitely getting stronger. We also do orgasm control sometimes (i need permission to masturbate), and sometimes control via teasing in scene. Personally, I don’t think that limiting my orgasms makes the ones I do have better, but I know other people feel that way. For me, it’s just a nice way to connect when we aren’t together.

    I can relate to Sassy’s challenges, in that with previous partners, teasing just ruined orgasms for me and made it harder for me to orgasm with that partner (And more likely to fake it). Frequently I found this was due to a lack of connection and trust, or the whole “look what I can make you do” ‘dom’ who doesn’t seem to care about my experience. For me, starting this type of play before a deep connection is established will not lead to a successful relationship.

  3. cgswitch

    As a current sub, I can definitely say that while orgasm is a bodily function, it is also a skill. I actually had my first ever orgasm with my partner many years ago. I had tried on my own and with a few other people and I had no success. This made me self conscious and secretive and I would fake them to make up for it. I finally broke down and talked to my partner about it and we had a very long conversation about how to make sex and play more pleasurable for me. I was able to have a small orgasm two days later! Three years later, with practice, patience and the assistance of some new toys, my dom and I learned what gets me off, I am now able to have multiple mind-altering, earth-shattering orgasms on a fairly regular basis and have some sort of orgasm every time we have sex. Orgasm above all takes communication, trust, and PRACTICE.

    PS, a game that works for us: set an orgasm goal for a scene, a day, whatever. Have the sub count the number of orgasms they have and continue to play until your goal has been reached.

  4. kennifer

    You mentioned orgasm reports and permission. Somehow I fell into having to do both if these things. I’m a male sub who was controlled by a young, dominant girl who truly enjoyed humiliating me. At first I needed permission to cum which was quite hard since I had fully committed to obeying my orders. This girl didn’t really care if I ever had one and actually made me wait two months once.
    Then somehow I ended up having to report every detail about the orgasm. She learned how often, what I thought about, how and where I jerked off and where my cum ended up. She sometimes ordered certain activities or pictures and nearly always shared the info and pics to humiliate me. The more public it became, the more she did it.
    All in all, fun but very hard to be commited and very embarrassing .

  5. Alistair

    Is easy to tell others about how you achieve an orgasm and in most cases, it’s hard for some people to imagine and believe how it’s like to have an orgasm because they had not experience one before. But do not give up the hope to have one or helping your partner to achieve one.

    I was one of the people who don’t believe in female orgasm but I’ve change my mind 2 years ago. I helped my partner to achieve an orgasm and it’s really amazing! It was a squirting orgasm and I’m sure it’s not pee cause it doesn’t have any odour that irritates your nose.

    You might be interested to know how I did it. Well I can tell that there is nothing special and everyone can do a favour for their partner. You just need some practise, efforts, communication and trust from each other and you’ll find out that, it’ll be way more easier for you to help your partner achieve an orgasm if you did it the right way.

    I do agree with what Morgan had said: “kink is not only sexual, but spiritual, emotional, and psychological, as well as a profound path for self- and other-exploration”. When you are having intercourse, don’t ever have the mind set of “helping my partner to achieve orgasm is the main goal”. Cool your head off and just let it happen naturally. By naturally, I mean don’t put you and your partner in a stressful circumstances. Just enjoy having sex with your partner spiritually and put lots of emotion in it. Communicate with her, don’t just stimulate her and ignores how she feels when you touched her. Some girls are quite sensitive when you over stimulate her clitoris. She feels pain and it really annoy her. This will just turn down the mood for sex.

    Through this post, I do think it helps in sex life and achieving orgasm easier. Do it the right way and I’m sure you’ll see the result real soon!

    Great day ahead guys!

    Tuck,
    http://www.orgasmtechnique.com/

  6. devoted

    I have given all my orgasms to My Sovereign. I have to say in the time since then three things have happened. 1. I orgasm at his command and only his command. They are more intense than ever before. 2. I have come to only feel sexual gratification when it is his gratification. I have tried masturbating without him but that no longer works for me. 3. I squirt on a regular basis. He knows how to get me to that point where I do.

    My Sovereigns,
    devoted

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