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2 responses to “Submission: From a Dominant’s Point of View: What is a Submissive?”

  1. Eris Simone

    I am not sure what I am. I like being dominated by men (within my limits.) but find I do not crave aftercare. In fact, when a Dom attempts to take care of me after a scene I go cold and rigid. I detest the closeness. I have been punished more than once because I became quite angry and aggressive in my attempts to get away from aftercare. I like the pain and the sex but I do not require more. Deep down I feel a deep dislike toward Doms and Dommes. I hate them for hurting me even though I crave it. Even though I am aroused by submitting to them and their desires. Despite the contempt I harbor toward Doms I need their dominance.
    What’s wrong with me? Are their any other submissives who feel the way I do? How can I alternately love and hate the lifestyle? I need it, but I don’t want to need it.

  2. Amry Ann

    Eris,

    Perhaps you need to explore the reasons why you feel this way. Why do you desire the pain, yet hate the person who gives you what you desire. Why don’t you want to need it?

    As a fellow submissive, I have experienced similar feelings. For me personally, it is for four very closely related reasons:

    1. I had it in my mind that there was something wrong with me for wanting to be dominated, and that dominants were bad people.
    2. Bad experiences in some of my D/s relationships contributed to the above mindset
    3. I had trouble accepting and recognizing certain aspects of the nature of my submission, especially the parts that don’t match up with my own ideal of what a perfect submissive is.
    4. i still have a lot of growing to do.

    And for me, it all comes down to one answer. Submission is a journey, and it is very personal. I certainly don’t have it all figured out yet and I doubt I ever will, because people change over time, I will change over time. It’s only been four years since I first started my journey. So far, the most valuable thing I have learned, is that dominance and submission aren’t two flavors of ice cream. It’s more like one is ice cream and the other is ice cream topping. The variety of flavors is as vast as the number of the individual people exploring the lifestyle. There is no right or wrong way to have your desert. What matters, is that its the desert you want.

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