J. Blank, aka The Dominant Gentleman, strongly believes that being Dominant doesn't preclude one from also behaving as a Gentleman (or Lady), and that respect is paramount in any relationship, especially D/s relationships. A "real world" relationship and life coach with a kink-friendly practice, J. spends his days helping people figure out what they really want, and take steps to achieve it. Which gives him some unique insights into the amazing world that is the human psyche. Because of this, J. believes Doms have a nigh-sacred responsibility to their subs, and can sometimes be found on Twitter (@Jason_Blank), loudly ranting about the difference between a Dom and, as he puts it, "a jackass with ego issues." He can be reached by email at DomJBlank (at) gmail (dot) com.

39 responses to “An Absolute Beginner’s Guide to Domination – As Told by an Oregonian”

  1. Irish

    The yogurt analogy is brilliant! Thank you for an articulated and informative description of play and d/s. I wish such info were available to me when I was starting out, I’d have avoided many of the pitfalls. I will recommend this writing to others.

    Irish

  2. New Submissive

    Me and the man I’m talking to are both very new to this. I’m new to actually doing it, now that I have finally been honest with myself. I found this article on accident and it is helping us both out… The only issue is that he is two hours away, but he does have rules and I am learning not to test him…any tips how how to tell him what I need/want even when it’s over the phone or Skype? Thanks for the article :)

  3. New submissive

    @Dominant Gentleman,
    thankyou so much for you help. I went looking for a Dom without much prior training. He is very good to me and knows when something is up, but it know I need to tell him things up front. So thankyou for that. Does anyone know about punishment? Can punishment be anything?

  4. new to this

    So glad I found this article, always liked parts of this. Now met a guy who loves being a submissive and I’m learning a lot about myself and BDSM.

    Any more tips for a newbie would really help…

  5. g

    This article helped. I’m a little shy on how to actually tell my lover that he has awakened this desire & drive within me to have him completely dominate me. This is new to me but oh my how I’ll find the courage, he is worth it. Thanks for the suggestions

  6. Anonydom

    Thank you for this article. I’ve been with this bright, attractive, sexy girl for a week and it’s escalating quickly to the point where I got a ‘I want you to boss me around’ text last night. I appreciate that this is a critical time and your advice will help immensely (guess there’s a reason this was the first hit on Google). I particularly like how this is not a ‘be an aggressive asshole’ situation, and actually involves a lot of work on my part, since I like to work hard to please my girlfriend.

    The next to last sentence is perfect.

  7. Grey Thunder

    This is a great article for new and old. It’s also good to have a reminder from time to time. It’s very easy to become complacent.

  8. Richard Jameslon

    Lovely article…..

  9. Patrick

    Its always important to remember that as the dominant one, its your job to give her/him pleasure, its not about you its about her/him don’t be selfish and just think of your needs

  10. The Vanilla Wannabe Bedroom sub

    Thank you for the much needed elementary introduction. Although I have an interest, and think it would be the answer to my lifelong question, “Why do I feel uncomfortable initiating sex, but enjoy feeling irresistible, love being ravaged, and wish to be instructed when and how to pleasure my man?,” my husband’s and my marriage is rocky, often lacking healthy everyday communication, & sex deprived. With this being said, and considering the aforementioned information regarding needing good communication skills and becoming more emotionally intimate, what more should / can I reflect on before determining whether or not to take up this topic with him?

    ~ VWBs

  11. TJ

    I loved the yogurt analogy, but I have a few questions as a vanilla wife, with a submissive wife who has a domme. I would be very open to any suggested readings on being married to someone in the BDSM lifestyle.

  12. New

    I have recently started dating a woman who would like to establish a master/slave relationship. I am new to this and would appreciate any direction as to where to learn dom etitic.

  13. lunaKM

    Hi there! You’ve started out on a good resource, check out all the posts on Dominant Guide, many of them will help you find yourself and learn how your Dominance works as well as developing a D/s relationship.

  14. So new!

    Thank you, thank you, thank you! I have a lady who want me to be her dom and while I am open to the concept, It was refreshing to know that I didn’t have to be a dick about it….I care for this woman, and she opened up to me about her kink, which I am grateful for. I just wanted to know (and as I suspected) that being a dom was about respect, trust, and yes, love. Thanks for removing a huge load off of my back…..I will be reading further!

  15. ImWatchinU69

    This is amazing! Thank you for taking the time to write this.

  16. Kevin

    New to this need some more information please

  17. lunaKM

    Kevin, take your time to read through a bit of this site and then ask more specific questions.

  18. New dom

    So me and my girl are new to this she wants the 24/7 d/s realtionship any advice or readings like this u could give me would b grate

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