J. Blank, aka The Dominant Gentleman, strongly believes that being Dominant doesn't preclude one from also behaving as a Gentleman (or Lady), and that respect is paramount in any relationship, especially D/s relationships. A "real world" relationship and life coach with a kink-friendly practice, J. spends his days helping people figure out what they really want, and take steps to achieve it. Which gives him some unique insights into the amazing world that is the human psyche. Because of this, J. believes Doms have a nigh-sacred responsibility to their subs, and can sometimes be found on Twitter (@Jason_Blank), loudly ranting about the difference between a Dom and, as he puts it, "a jackass with ego issues." He can be reached by email at DomJBlank (at) gmail (dot) com.

44 responses to “An Absolute Beginner’s Guide to Domination – As Told by an Oregonian”

  1. Damon

    Thanks for the article really helps. I’m very new to this, both me and my girlfriend are in our late 40′s. I’m finding its hard to train my brain to think this is okay, after over 20 years of hearing what is right, what is not right. We both really like it, and I want to please her and be her dom, but I find myself getting nervous and losing my arousal, if you know what I mean, then I get frustrated with myself

  2. TheGoddessRoxanne

    I think we are all wired a certain way…Some of us have the courage to embrace our Domina-ness (me) while others embrace their subness.

    I went very s-l-o-w-ly with my current sub. For him, it’s about some pain but mostly power exchange. It’s a miracle we found each other but we had the qualities that were described above.

    Be who you are!

  3. Newmand eager

    Good day .. I have had a desire to be a dom but as have seen mentioned many times I as well have fallen to society bullshit lol and was raised by my mother so tend to have a hard time expressing this side of me … I have recently found a friend that is a total sub and don’t want to let her down .. she likes the hitting and the more the power exchange there is the more she gets into it .. I have been doing as much research as I could and so far I have to say that sides the amount of prep there is to make sure sub has best experience possible that the more I read the more I want to explore this side of me .. would any have friendly tips willing to share weather it be specific move or words to a certain scenario.. I want to learn as much as I can to be able to perform at my best .. thanks a million in advance

  4. Daveluy

    Good read!

    That being said, I just wanted to point out that jerking off to internet porn can be a well-integrated part of BDSM relationships. It doesn’t have to be used to compensate for frustrations or used as a substitute to the real thing.

    I mean there are some serious scenes to be built up around or with porn and porn usage, it can be a great tool in so many situations that I don’t even know where to start… Tease and denial, orgasm control, voyeurism, humiliation, JOI, neglect, etc.

    Not to mention, of course, exploratory excursions into self-discovery. Not everyone has access to people to play with, and some people aren’t willing to play with other people than their romantic partner. Porn can be a great alternative, in the sense that it provides vast amounts of study material to fuel creativity. People learn a lot from observing others and putting themselves in their shoes. And if you find something new that turns you on, why not jerk off while you’re at it? (Well, if you’re the Dom, anyway. subs will likely need to ask permission first.)

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