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19 responses to “Hurt So Good: The Joys of Being A Masochist”

  1. N.

    Just a note…. Leopold Von-Sacher Masoch…. Austrian. Not Australian! Very important.


  2. lunaKM

    Wow, I’m surprised that no one caught that until now, what a silly slip up! Thanks for catching that, I’ve made the correction.

  3. Texan Dad

    I really enjoyed reading this. I’ve hesitated to concern myself with what masochists feel for fear of being too soft and not helping my partner reach the edge of his needs. Kind of fucked up, I know, but since releasing my inner dominant, I’ve found confidence and compassion to be very useful tools in my toolbox. I can see the edges a bit clearer now. I can read and compose the narrative of the scenes I’m involved in with better definition.

    I can’t believe I never ran across this site before. Thank you for being here.

  4. Morgan

    Welcome Texan Dad! We’re very glad you found us too. :)


  5. Serenity

    Wow, very interesting and informative :) I was curious about finding more information on this subject… I would be classified as an emotional/sexual masochist by your terms as I find myself participating in both. Any website I’ve found is less about information and more aimed to shame people who want this.

  6. Morgan

    Hi Serenity~

    Check out There’s a lot of great information on the site about masochism of all flavors. I think you’ll find what you’re looking for. We do have some more hear on masochism, but not as much as there. We’re just a newer site and more likely to have writing on sadism.

    I’m glad you found it helpful! :)


  7. CC Cobb

    I have turned my husband into a sexual sadist. I had many indiscretions during the time we were dating. How do I enjoy the pain? I cant help but cry.most of the time and I see it disturbs him. I dont want him to leave me. He is my whole life and Im not sure Id want to live without him. How do I enjoy the pain and humiliation during sex? I want to.learn so badly. I try and try but I end up crying almost every time. Please help

  8. lunaKM

    Is crying a negative response to you or do you still enjoy the pain and humiliation during sex but cry anyway? A lot of people, myself included, respond to some stimulus by crying. It doesn’t mean I’m upset or sad or in bad pain, but that my body is finding the only way to process it is to cry. Not everyone can enjoy the pain and become a masochist for their partners, and still others use pain play with their partner as a service to them. Can you reframe your thinking that way?


    I find your article stimulating and historically informative. I appreciate the effort placed into this writing as it is of great value for those that seek understanding. I couldn’t agree more that in order to truly Dominate or control another would be to gain insight to their inner workings. Those inner workings are often masked, hidden or unknown to even the person posses


    I apologize for a two part post as I accidentally clicked the submit tab while typing. If I may continue…they themselves may have some vague understanding of thier masochism. Through shame and realizing the difference from social norm their masochistic tendencies are hidden. Unable to express personal fantasy due to fears of ridicule or rejection their personal release and gradification is religated to online affairs or private meetings with Doms that understand. I personally am of the opinion that indeed there must be some form of abuse in early child hood that would create the emotional wounds necessary for such paraphillia. Emotional wounds in early child hood are very common in society. Often causing disturbances of the personality such as avoidant personality which seems to be saturated with inferiority. Per symptoms of avoidant personality would indeed not be able to disclose these intimately personal facts unless they were absolutely sure of acceptance due to the fear of rejection. Thus the need for absolute trust. My question would be towards the emotional masochist as I believe that in this article states that they would seek physical pain. Often with masochism degradation and humiliation are forms of gradification. Would this not be emotional? I suppose I question the corrilation between emotional or pain in personality based masochism. Physical pain and emotional pain to me are often used in tandem. For an indiviual to rely soley on physical pain seems addicted to chemical release and if both are used would seem to be more of a “true” masochist. I believe that the masochist may have tendencies to inferiority and require a Dominant that does understand how to hurt without harm as psychological or emotional damage is apparently transpired previously, in order to satisfy the needs of the masochist without further damage. Further damage would regress, depress or reverse any forward growth. This would require a very psychologically strong Dominate that could see the mechinations, rationalizations, justifications, self defeating, self Sabatoging behaviors for what they are. I myself am Dominant. My submissive is a true masochist. Her masochistic tendencies are not merely defined sexually or released by pain but more pervasive to the degree of creating situations in an effort to cause herself emotional pain which seem sunconscious and uncontrollable. She is incapable of an egalitarian relationship. She is capable of attemts at causing pain i suppose in an effort to be retaliated against. The brain can not distinguish between physical pain or emotional pain. The brain only see’s a threat to such hurt. The mind will create a defense mechanism to prevent pain. I close my statements by saying more in depth information for the understanding of what true masochism is could benifit so many Dominants and submissives alike. It is a much needed resource that you provide as public service and am truly great full for all that you do to promote others wellbeing. I do fear that my submissive in the wrong hands would be damaged further or physically harmed. I myself enjoy her pain I am a sadist and it is a fulfilling exchange with constant study for the health of each of us. I am a personal supporter of what is healthy, sane, safe, consentual. New Dominants could not possibly realize the level of responsibility or personal sacrifice it requires. Often years of consistentcy to devolpe the trust required. This subject to me is not one taken lightly but with most seriousness. D/s is a commitment that is twice that of mere marriage. A commitment that most fail at. Heavy is the head that wears the crown. The Dom needs to have a starting reference as typical behavior of what a true masochist looks like as in close interpersonal relationships will be the only point these behaviors will become evident. Thank you all.

  11. TheBlackSheep

    I would identify myself as a masochist. But I’m not sure what type. It is not sexual pleasure, it is more the pain itself. I do not like inflicting pain on others, but observing pain on others and receiving it. I have not heard of anyone like this. Nor any condition that matches. Any help would be greatly appreciated.

  12. lunaKM

    You don’t have to get a sexual response from pain to be considered a masochist. Many masochists enjoy the pain sensations in themselves and don’t need to connect it to sexual pleasure.

  13. A man

    IunaKM Yes that in True it doesnt always have to have a sexual response and Just like TheBlackSheep im a masochist myself but i dont get a sexual response its more that i Just enjoy the feeling of pain.
    And im sorry if there are any words not written but im not american or english so im sorry if you see any mistakes.

  14. New to bdsm

    I just discovered two weeks ago that I am a masochist. I was with an old friends who is very dom. He inflicted pain during sex- slapping, chocking, biting. And also methods to demean me such as urinating on me and calling me names. And i absolutely loved it, -and i can’t get enough and i want more. I am scared and nervous to go down this path. But i want to do it anyway. Can someone provide me with any support groups or websites or fb groups to join so that i do not feel so alone?

  15. lunaKM

    Check out Also, is the sister site to this one and has a lot of information to help you.

  16. New to bdsm

    Thank you very much. I will check those out. And thank you for being here to help me so i don’t feel like i am weird

  17. Pot

    I have an online military reservist gay boyfriend. He works as a normal guy but he is also an active military reservist. He is not more on sex but he always want me to tell him my saddistics thoughts on him about the government being unfair and they are slaves of foreigners in their country and that thought is erotic and arousing for him. And he told me that he is touching his body and have orgasm when i tell him those things. I have sympathy on him and maybe i love him because im always happy when we chat and he opened up about his life to me. He told me that he loves me but he wont have me in a relationship if im not a sadist.

    I am faking him on my saddistic thoughts of humilating him and his brothers just to make him happy. But the heaven knows in my heart and in my mind i dont like to humilate others because thats not fair. I am freaking out in this situation i have a feeling that its ok for me to loose him but i have a guilt feelings that i dont want him to get hurt and besides i love him too even i havent seen him. We chat everyday for almost 3 hours.

  18. Stephen

    Hello my name is Stephen, I was wondering what kind of masochist I am. I have this sexual fantasy of a beautiful woman and imagining her to be my enemy. And she says she was sent to destroy me. And she beats me up and knocks me out. And then she sets me on flames. What kind of masochism is that?

  19. lunaKM

    Sounds like a fantasy unless you really want to have that happen to you and that it turns you on to actually do that. In reality, a lot of sexual fantasies should remain fantasies. There’s nothing wrong with having them, but acting them out, isn’t always sane.

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